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Damn LJ been a loooooong time!!!!

So it's only been, what 2 years and 9 months since my last update???  LMAO.  Yeah, I really should catch up on the details, but I don't have time for that.  I have so much weighing on my mind and heart at the moment.  We'll catch up later.

Life is good and bad all at the same time.  I'm dedicated to a wonderful driver now.  I love him to pieces and he's helping me learn to relax and trust others.  HAHAHA!  Too bad, after we part ways, I won't be able to trust another driver.  Which breaks my heart.

Brian is NOT returning phone calls these days.  I'm getting a little sick of trying to talk to my son and I can't reach him.  BLEH!  I'm gonna have to send someone after him I suppose.  Who knows if he's breathing even.  I hope he is or someone forgot to inform me of my son's daddy's passing and in turn my custody of my son.

I'm feeling super lonely lately.  Which is normal about this time of year.  I keep thinking back to the Tim years.  LMAO.  We were suppose to be getting married soon.  Since I'm 30 and STILL single and I'm sure he would be too if he were alive.  I really try to not think of him much.  It's too sad.

I try to not live in the past or think of it much, but it's amazing how much that translate to who you are now. 

I keep praying to God.  I need strength, I need peace of mind, I need to know that everything I'm doing right now is what I'm suppose to be doing.  I mean, I've told him before to change my life's path if it's not the one he wants me on.  He hasn't changed it yet, right???

I'm throughly annoyed Mikey hasn't bothered to call me lately.  I've given up calling him.  I'm assuming we're done talking, which is a BUMMER!  He was a guy with a wealth of knowledge and could make me laugh.  Heh, see what happens when you let people in?  It just screws with your head!  And heart!

I'm just lonely.....have I mentioned that yet???  lmao.

I'm not sure what I'm gonna do about all this.  Brian is remarried and happy.  I can't manage to date.  I'm really just fucked up I'm starting to think.  Did my Mr. Right kill himself long ago???  Oh I hope not.

I just noticed LJ and FB can link now.  BAWHAHA.  Just what I needed - LJ and FB becoming friends.  Yeah, that would help my life out alot.

I hate these sleepless nights.  I'm not sure if I'm just not sleeping because we've spent so much time shut down on this trip.  Or if I'm not sleeping because I have so much going on in my head???  It could be those 3 and 4 hour naps in the afternoon now!  Bleh.  I gotta quit doing that crap.  I'm gonna be worthless when I actually gotta work all afternoon.  I'm gonna have to start getting my schedule back on track starting tomorrow.  LOL.

I'm thinking when I get back to Tulsa I'm gonna get me a custom front licence plate for my truck.  It's gonna have "Heavy Haul Princess" on it.  LMAO.  Or it might just be HH Princess.  Leave people guessing at the yard ;-)  LMAO. 

Okay it's 2am.  Maybe I need to grab a Mt. Dew, go down for one last cigarette then come back up and put my ass in bed.  I've gotta get some kind of sleep tonight, right???  Or I can stay up all nght, play on the computer, be a bitch all day because I won't allow myself to go back to sleep and try again tomorrow night.  I should really spend my day doing laundry, cleaning out the truck, and hopefully be preparing to get this load to Carrollton once and for all!!!!  Or so I pray!

Good night LJer's.  I will try to not be a stranger anymore.  We'll see how that goes!

HUGS.

Nadia


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