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WELL there is so much going on right now!

First of all - we're dealing with my dad's estate in Poland.  That is SOOOO much fun!!!  NOT!!!  I'm just really sad/upset about the whole situation.  I miss him and want him here is what it all boils down to!

Secondly I've been sick on and off.  And I've gotten my first injury for 2010.  It's pretty major tho.  And I'm possibley facing surgery now.  UGH!!!

My gland is swollen under my ear lobe.  We can't get it to go down so they're thinking it might be a blocked gland.  Of course with my knee injury at the moment it's the farthest thing from my mind at this point!!!!!!!!!!

How my knee happened is kinda funny/sad all at the same time.  Dave was working the arena and I was sitting on the mounting block.  He went to back up the tractor and I saw the dog digging in the arena for cat poop so I didn't want her to be run over so I wasn't even paying attention to where Dave was with the tractor.  Well he was WAY to close to me and smashed me with the tire on my left knee.  Well my ACL is possibley torn.  It hurts like an SOB. 

Oh but the day this happened we had a guy interviewing for the rider position from outta town.  So he got to see his new boss running over a current employee.  I'm very upset about it all, but I don't let Dave know because he's already uset about the whole situation.  And yes he did yell at me about being where I "shouldn't have been", but if he didn't hit me then he would've mowed down the wheel barrow and he would've yelled at me about that anyway.  So what the hell is the difference???

I'm very depressed right now.  I can't work really.  The last couple of nights I've been hobbling around the barn attempting to do my job.  I just feel worthless right now.  I can't explain it - I'm just feeling soooo worthless and useless.  I'm kind of thinking about maybe it's really time to leave.  I can't do my job.  I can't help him.  And if I have surgery that just means MORE time off and not able to help.

Connie did mention today that someone from down the road was wanting work. I know that she didn't mean it to me personally, but it just felt like people are sick of me not being able to work.  Or maybe I'm just upset that I can't work?

What am I gonna do????  I'm soooo lost. 

We did hire the rider guy tho.  So if I did leave then he'd have help in a few weeks.

I'm just tired of the attitude.  His failure to look behind him got me injuried and now he's just acting pissed off and angry all the time because I'm not helping.  I feel so bad that I didn't move, but at the same time I can't see how I can accept all the blame. 

The rider guy was the 3rd thing. 

Okay well I've now got myself so upset and worked up again that I'm gonna go.